Sunday, April 24, 2011


He has risen indeed.

I always cry at Easter service. It usually starts out with a showing of the crucifixion and I can hardly bear to watch. Like Bob says, it's a story that never gets better with the telling and retelling. You still want to say "What?" "They did what?"

And despite the glorious way the service ends, I still feel heavy with sadness. I am not worthy of the huge sacrifice this man made for me. Easter service reminds me of my shortcomings. I get it on a thinking level. He had to do this so I could have eternal life. This had to be done so we could have hope. It is thee ultimate gift from Father to child. Given with love. Regardless of my sins and continued sinning. My Father wanted me to have this above all else.

But I don't keep my room clean, I don't eat my vegetables, I have been known to curse, I have impure thoughts, there are people I hate, I lie, I cheat, I steal, I manipulate, I am selfish, I am a poor steward of my money, I don't pray regularly, I rarely read my bible, I am impatient, I blame, I am slothful, I dodge responsibility, I am broken in so many ways, I gossip, I judge, I worry.

How could He think enough of me? And so I pray. I beg for forgiveness. I want to do better. I want to be a child you will be proud of. And in my silent weeping I hear His voice. " My child, I adore you." And I breakdown sobbing.

Thank you for that. I must remember that God's expectations are not based on His perfection but on what I am able to do and offer. My encouragement, my hope, is firm in His acceptance of me. Me the way I am. Me the way He made me. My hope and encouragement comes from my faith in Him. He delights in me. My desire to please Him certainly must be pleasing to Him. I sure hope so.

1 comment:

Kristen said...

I didn't know I had such a naughty sister!