The Crying Game

Did you know there has been a new study that a woman's tears are a turn off to men? Duh!

Not woman crying, just tears. They collected tears from crying women and then had men sniff them. Now everyone is trying to cry so you can smell your tears. Turn off Marley and Me, they don't smell. BUT there is a chemical in them that can be detected and when men sniff this chemical their testosterone level goes down.

My theory is that tears reduce testosterone because when a woman cries she is usually looking for comfort. If she reduces a mans testosterone she reduces his aggression. If his aggression is reduced he is more likely to offer solace. But even that is questionable.

Case in point.

One of my children recently called me and the news that was shared was very frustrating for me. As I was explaining this to Bob I started to cry. I was very upset and Bob just sat on the bed and sort of commiserated but not really (not like I needed!) So I stalked off to take my shower and cry some more silently cursing his insensitivity. My actions as I am getting ready for work make it apparent to Bob that I am now angry with him and when he asks in bewilderment why I tell him he is an insensitive box of rocks and how could he possibly not know why I am mad?

Me: I am mad at you because I am visibly upset and crying and you just sit on the bed and don't help me. (I have started crying again.)

Bob: I don't know what is going on. What did I do? What am I supposed to do?

Me: Really? What do you think you are supposed to do? If you see a woman, your wife, crying, what might be a nice thing for you to do for her?

Bob: Give her a hug? (answered in a timid, I really hope this is the right answer kind of voice because if it's not the right answer this woman is going to go completely crazy on me and I fear for my parts!)

Me: Yes. Give her a hug.

So we hug and I stop crying for the eighth time that morning and head off to work.

Later, as I replay the morning in my head and on the phone with my sister I tell her that poor Bob got caught in my emotional whirlwind and when I told her (I was still a little indignant but could see a glimmer of how silly my anger at him was) that the fool didn't even try and comfort me with a hug she says "Oh Teri, if you needed a hug you could have just asked for one."

She nailed it. I hate when she does that! So simple, why didn't I think of that? When did my baby sister get so smart?

At the end of my work day I finally, mostly, have my emotions in check and can see my irrationality about being mad at him for his being a boy. I decide when I get home I am going to explain to Bob the proper response(s) for handling my emotional breakdowns.

It went something like this.

If I am crying and we are not fighting and it is about one of the children the tears are usually frustrated tears and a hug would be very appropriate. So hug me.

If I am crying and we are fighting about one of the children and it is a situation where we disagree on how to handle this and this disagreement has lead to tears the last thing you want to do is hug me.

But if scenario two is happening and I am crying and you finally see the light of day and realize how perfect my solution really is you should hug me.

Unless you are just pretending to go along with me in order to stop the crying. In that case don't even try to hug me mister.

Now, if we are fighting and it is not about one of the children and I realize midstream that I might be over reacting (hormonally out of control) and I can see the light of day and realize I am being foolish and confess, you should hug me.

But if I am crying and you THINK it is a hormonal crying jag and you THINK I am being foolish it is best you don't touch me in any way shape or form because if I don't come up with the idea that I could be hormonally off kilter on my own it is the last thing you ever want to do is SUGGEST that might be the case. A hug is totally out of the question.

So, all in all, you have a 50/50 chance of being correct about giving me a hug. You are a gambling man, just go for the hug.

Unless we are in the kitchen and I am chopping vegetables. Then just do what I say and don't make any sudden moves.